starfish and coffee

maple syrup and jam.
I am always trying to make my own life more beautiful and wonderful. by noticing the nice things in it. In my own strength for my own ends. not honestly acknowledging the God who put all of them there. resting in my own ability to notice the nice things instead of resting in his great grace to give them.
But truly I cannot make my own life any more beautiful no matter how hard I try. I can only uncover the beauty God has already put there. My life is as beautiful and as wonderful as I can possibly stand it. But I persist in this bad habit of only searching for the gift and not the giver. Ugh. How prodigal am I.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

"He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32

maybe I will reopen this blog.

I'm not sure why I want to. I just like the drama of a secret blog. I can write all my dramatic images and ideas and stupid secret wants.
I'm so visual. also maybe my poetry.
what do I want.
I want to wear a classic beanies and have bangs that don't go flat. I want I boy I can look up at from under my eyelashes and one that I am not afraid to love with both my body and my soul I want to know my own mind and have her turtle shell glasses. I want to be able to do both middle parts and side parts wand be able to pull all my hair back or do braided crowns messily to keep it off my neck. I want to want to paint and not just watch parks and recs. I want to never be commissioned again but to paint things for my self with surety and without guilt. I want my paint shirt here and I want toast and someone who is coming home to hug. I want to stop over thinking things and be okay with things how they happen not just in front of people. I want to have someone who writes me hard and true letters not just a boyfriend. I want to not just do things for looks. I want to see what I look like without becoming self conscious or calculated I want to make my bed everyday and have only art work I can stand behind on my walls. I want people to invite me to things and I want to loose my inhibitions about dancing again. I want my need and eye for simplicity and clean lines to not fight with my whims for grunge and eyeliner and bracelets. I want people to not label my as hipster and I want people to not criticize me when I'm not smiling. I want my friends to all get along and I want to watch sunsets with people who aren't a hassle. I want everyone to understand tone on tone outfits and and to have an endless supply of flowers. I want to listen to music in the shower whenever I want and to journal honestly and be able to keep my mind on track when I pray. I want to build my own house and I want to have hope and anticipation sometimes instead of settling or lazy laughing it off.
some pictures. direct form pintrest.
  
   

Art attracts us only by what it reveals of our most secret self.

pretty much cant beat old Sunday morning pancakes

only age

Even when your mouth can’t, let your life always sing.

Nora